When You Say You Love Me
by Cherie Dennis
Summary: All that would matter would be the fact that they were together, happily ever after. [BN Twoparter.] The problem was there was no one better than Nathan. Not for her. [May add more parts later. Status updated from complete to inprogress.]
1. When You Say You Love Me

**When You Say You Love Me**  


Title: When You Say You Love Me.

Author: Cherie Dennis.

Summary: All that would matter would be the fact that they were together, happily ever after.

Rating: T, for language.

Pairings: Brathan, with some Haley and Peyton.

Disclaimer: I don't own OTH. And this was un-betaed, so all mistakes are mine. Takes place during Naley's second wedding. The song lyrics don't belong to me, and neither do the vows that Nathan and Haley say to one another. The lyrics belong to Josh Groban and the vows belong to the CW/WB, Mark Schwann and all those other people involved with creating/writing OTH.

**Author's Note: **Written for fanfic100's prompt "Ends."

* * *

_You're where I belong.  
And when you're with me if I close my eyes,  
There are times I swear I feel like I can fly  
For a moment in time.  
Somewhere between the Heavens and Earth ,  
And frozen in time, Oh when you say those words._

_When you say you love me  
The world goes still, so still inside and  
When you say you love me  
For a moment, there's no one else alive_

The way that everyone was all teary-eyed and '_Oh my gosh, they're getting their vows renewed,' _was making Brooke sick to her stomach. Sure, she was a bridesmaid and sure, she loved weddings, but this was just appalling. Watching Nathan and Haley standing up there, holding hands as the priest practically bawled along with the rest of the people there was making her skin crawl.

_It should be me up there_, she thought bitterly.

When Peyton looked over, she gave her the cold shoulder. Not only did she not want to stand there, watching a mockery of a relationship being promised, but she certainly did not want to deal with the ex-best friend who loved her boyfriend that stabbed her in the back. Twice.

She ignored the small ounce of guilt that tugged at her stomach for treating Peyton like the little whore she was. She'd done something far worse than Peyton had done, but there was no way she was going to admit to it.

"Nathan, it's been said that there is one word that will free us from the weight and pain of life. And, that word is love, and I believe that. It doesn't mean that it hasn't been hard or that it won't be. It just means that I found a stillness and bravery in myself with you. You make me brave and I will love you until the end of time. This I vow today."

She had to bite her tongue to keep from lashing out at the girl. It wasn't Haley's fault that she was unbelievably stupid. Did she really think that Nathan was so forgiving of her? That he had actually not been with anyone else while she was on tour, laughing and play-fighting with Chris? Did she really believe that Nathan's drunken bitterness didn't cause him to delve into anything that would make him feel better?

Sure, she had sort-of-kind-of been with Lucas at the time, but that didn't mean that Brooke hadn't tried to make Nathan feel better. She was there, every day, trying to get him to do something; trying to get him to move from his spot on the couch for something other than another beer, or to exchange games. Not that that really mattered now. Haley had showed up and worked her way back into Nathan's heart, just as Brooke was starting to heal it.

Stupid, tutoring, musically talented bitch.

"Last year we stood on a beach and I told you how much I loved you and how I would always, always protect you. And, that day nobody believed that this would work. But, I don't think anybody understood the love that I had for you; because, if they did they would have never doubted us. So I wanted to marry you all over again in front of most of our world. Because today, when I look into your eyes my love for you only grows. It's even stronger now and that love will never waver. This I vow to you today and always, forever."

Now Brooke had to fight down the urge to vomit. Could he really say that with a straight face? She gripped her bouquet of flowers a little tighter, watching as Nathan glanced over at her. She forced a smile, ignored the small grin that tugged at the corner of his mouth, and then looked away as he slipped the ring on Haley's finger.

Later, when everyone was surrounding the happy couple, laughing and congratulating, Brooke was debating on whether or not to get wasted. It seemed like a good choice, but then she saw Nathan walk towards her. She ignored the way her body, instinctively, straightened a little and the way that her hands, as if they had a mind of their own, smoothed down the bodice of her dress.

"Brooke," he said with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Can we talk?"

She nodded and stood up, setting her napkin over the empty, clean plate. He gently took her arm, like any other guy who simply wanted to speak to her in private would, but she felt the little squeeze he gave her. She also felt the butterflies that filled her stomach, and the way that her nerves screamed for more of his touch.

They were near the coats when he pushed her against the wall. His eyes, smoldering and dark blue, looked over her once.

"What about Haley?" she asked her voice breathy and timid.

"I'll have her later," he smirked.

Before Brooke had the chance to scowl at the comment, Nathan's lips were pressed against her own, his hand practically crushing her hip. Her hand moved to the back of his head, gripping the hair at the nape of his neck as If it were the only thing keeping her alive. The kiss was hard and rough, demanding, as if they were trying to crawl into the other's body and stay there.

Her breath left, shakily, over her lips as he pulled back somewhat. "I shouldn't be doing this Brooke," he whispered against her lips, and her stomach fell.

"Don't say that," she whispered back, tears springing up into her closed eyes. "Please, don't say that."

Nathan's hand moved up to her face and now his touches were gentle, soft, loving. "I need to be with you," he sighed.

"So leave her." Her hand moved up to his and she opened her eyes, biting her lip when she saw Nathan memorizing her face.

"I can't, Brooke. You know I can't."

She frowned and nodded, looking away from his eyes. She straightened his collar a little, leaving her hands there against his chest where she could just barely feel his heart beating. There had to be some way that they could be together. They could disappear one night, run away together, and then nothing would be there to stop them. She could forget about Lucas and Peyton, and he could forget about Haley and they could get lost in one another.

They'd get married some day, and have children together. A little girl with silky brown curls and a little boy with blue-green eyes that would make everyone's heart melt. They could have the big house with the white picket fence and the Sunday dinners, extravagant and wonderfully prepared by their live-in cook. She could design clothing and he could play basketball, or coach, or whatever else he wanted to do.

All that would matter would be the fact that they were together, happily ever after.

"I need to get back." His voice shattered the image she'd painted in her head and she looked up, noting the way his eyes had changed back to their normal blue. She had never seen him look at Haley with that same kind of fiery passion as when he looked at her.

"Okay," she nodded.

His thumb stroked over her cheek briefly and he kissed her again. She could feel the desperation in it, and the finality of it. Things were ending here hidden among the coats, just outside the reception hall of his wedding vow renewal with Haley. She could no longer be together with him; he was letting her go.

"I love you, Brooke," he whispered. He kissed her again, letting his lips linger against hers and she actually whimpered when he pulled away.

She was left with empty hands, tear-stained cheeks and a broken heart as the only love she would ever have walked back in to dance with his wife.


	2. Because of You

**Because of You**

Title: Because of You.

Author: Cherie Dennis.

Summary: "Well, hello to you too, Brooke," he smiled. It was half-hearted, timid; as if he were afraid she'd claw his eyes out. Which, at this point in time, was very tempting.

Rating: T, for a brief sexual reference.

Pairings: Brathan, with an OC.

Disclaimer: I don't own OTH. And this was un-betaed, so all mistakes are mine. Sequel to When You Say You Love Me.

**Author's Note: **Written for fanfic100's prompt "Years."

* * *

She had moved to New York to get away from it all. Lucas and Peyton getting together had killed her, even though she said it was okay, and seeing the happily married Nathan and Haley… Well, that made her physically ill. 

It had been five years, five long years since she set foot in Tree Hill. She wasn't going back any time soon, either. New York had been good to her. The fast-paced city and even faster-paced work place kept her busy, kept her mind off the one thing that she seemed to always think about back home. Here, in a completely different state, she was able to re-invent herself, to pretend that she'd never loved at all.

That didn't mean she dated, though. Every time a guy asked her out, she kindly said no. "I have to focus on my career right now," she'd say, giving them a polite smile. It didn't mean that she didn't want to; god, she'd kill to go on another date, find a guy that was ten times better than Nathan could ever dream of being.

The problem was there was no one better than Nathan. Not for her.

She came home one Thursday, greeted her housekeeper, who pointed towards the answering machine. She saw the red light blinking on the cradle and walked over to it. She hadn't been expecting any calls, but assumed it was from the office. So she pushed play. As soon as she heard his voice, soft and deep, her stomach flipped and her eyes filled with tears.

"It's Nathan." No greeting, no 'Hey, Brooke.' Just straight to the point. "Look, I know it's been forever. What, five years now? I got your number from Haley, who got it from Karen. She figured it would be nice to get back into touch with you, make sure things were going okay," he sighed, and she could almost see him running his fingers through his hair. "I can't stop thinking about you. I found a picture of us the other day and, since then, you're all I can think about. You're all I dream about. Just do me a favor, okay? Give me a call sometime. I really nee- Yeah, I'll be right there, Hales."

She didn't even know she was crying until she hit the hardwood floor, sobbing, and her hands went to cover her face. How could he do this to her? After five years and after ending things near the coat rack, he calls her and practically begs her to give him a second chance?

Brooke could feel too many emotions to comprehend. She wanted to call him, to tell him it was okay, he could still disappear and move in with her. They could still be happy together, hidden away from their past. That's what he'd want, right? If he didn't want that, then why would he call?

She could feel her carefully built walls crumbling, taking down her perfected lies with them. She'd been empty the past five years, pretending to be something she wasn't; happy. And Nathan was the only person who could give her what she needed. But would he be willing to? Or would he just want to sleep with her again, to feel her legs wrapped around his waist?

The thought made her sick to her stomach. She raced into the bathroom, her hands gripping the edge of the porcelain bowl as she lost everything she'd eaten that day. Which, as usual, wasn't much.

The sound of the buzzer filled Brooke's apartment and she sat there for a moment, wishing the person away. When it didn't stop and, instead, rang constantly through her home, she stood up with a scowl. She walked over to the intercom system and pressed the button. "What?"

"It's me. Can I come up?"

She knew the voice. Even after all these years, she knew the voice. Without the message on her answering machine, she would've known that voice. And he knew she was home. She couldn't be rude and tell him no, but she wasn't too sure if she could let him come up. She pressed the button to unlock the door, and then walked back into the bathroom.

As she splashed cold water on her face, Brooke wondered what she was doing. By pressing that button, she hadn't just let Nathan into her apartment building. She'd let him back into her life. Did she have some kind of masochistic death wish or something?

She was at the door by the second knock, ignoring the nervous butterflies in her stomach. Last time she felt those, things didn't go over well.

"What do you want?" She had opened the door and was now staring into the face of the one man that held her heart. She had to be cold, be bitter. Otherwise, he'd know that she missed him; that she, too, wanted to be with him again. That she, over the past five years, had thought of no other men.

"Well, hello to you too, Brooke," he smiled. It was half-hearted, timid; as if he were afraid she'd claw his eyes out. Which, at this point in time, was very tempting.

Brooke looked away from him, past him into the hallway. "What do you want, Nathan?" She hadn't said his name in five years, but it didn't sound foreign. It felt fresh, risky, and sexy.

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, just like he always did. "I… I don't know. I needed to see you. To make sure you were okay."

She could've laughed at that, had she felt any ounce of happiness. "Well, you've seen me. I'm okay. Now leave," she said, closing the door. His hand stopped her and she frowned, opening the door again and leaning against it. "What?"

"I shouldn't have let you go, Brooke. I should've let Haley and been with you. I love you, more than you can even imagine."

And there, on Brooke's cheeks, were the tears that she thought she'd never cry for him again. "Don't do this, Nathan. Don't say things like this, make me think we stand a chance, and then leave again. Don't say that you love me and then go running back to Haley."

Nathan frowned somewhat. "I'm here to be with you. I'm done with Haley."

"Does she know that? Or did you tell her you were coming here for a basketball conference or something?"

He shook his head somewhat. Haley was still at home, probably wondering where he'd gone. He figured he could just leave her and appear on Brooke's doorstep, start life anew. Send Haley divorce papers, just like when she was on tour. Only they wouldn't pretend the marriage didn't happen.

"Does it matter, Brooke? I choose you. I want to be with you."

And somewhere, beneath the broken heart and the bitterness, Brooke was able to see that it would never work. Eventually, he'd go crawling back to Haley. She didn't doubt that Nathan loved her, but she knew that he loved Haley just that little bit more. And how could she live with someone, be with someone, who's heart belonged to another person? She was greedy and wanted all of it, not just some of it. "No, Nathan. You're just confused. Go back to Haley, okay? She's the one you're supposed to be with."

It amazed her how easily those words left her mouth. She gently shut the door this time, locking it on the life she'd always wanted but would never have. She was desperate to be with Nathan, but she knew, just like she had five years ago, that his heart didn't fully belong to her. She was just the replacement while Haley was deciding what to do. Just like, she imagined, now. She was the filler, the one that Nathan could fall back on.

She walked away from the door, ignoring the pounding from Nathan's side, and walked into the bedroom. She kneeled down beside the bed and ran a hand gently over the brown curls on her daughter's head.

It had been a hard five years, and she would've loved Nathan to know about and be involved in Sarah's life, but this was for the best. Maybe someday she'd explain to Sarah why her father wasn't in her life, but for now, all that mattered was that she had a devoted, loving mother who wouldn't trade her for anything in the world.

The girl stirred somewhat, her blue eyes opening sleepily. "Mommy? You okay?"

Brooke nodded and leaned down, placing a kiss on the girl's forehead. "Yeah, Sugarbear. Go back to sleep."

Sarah nodded and rolled onto her side as Brooke glanced back towards the front room. She was alone, and for once, she didn't feel empty or broken.


End file.
